I’m trying to make a come back. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit recently from men ruining my life to depression to just feeling awful about life.I have been the most miserable person. People have told me how much they aren’t happy with me being miserable. I’ve been given a lot of let’s call them comments about my mood. Welcome to depression kids move on with it. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to show my sadness. So I won’t if that’s what it takes me make everyone else be okay. I’m sorting my depression.I’m moving back to Derby Saturday and I feel like my mood will improve. I’m trying to loose weight and my style a bit.I think I’ll be okay and I feel like I’m getting better. I’m sorry for my break down!
Having a bad time at the moment. I’ll be back in September. Very sorry.
I’m not going to lie. I feel like I’m the lowest in my moods than I have been in a while. One reason why. Men. Relationships. They suck. They make you feel awful. Brought my mood down loads and thats why I’ve had not motivation and I just feel so sad to do anything.
However,on a lighter note! I finally got into my third year of university of thinking I wasn’t going to pass. I could of cried but I didn’t cause I realised I should start my dissertation right now and I started to panic. I also got the job I really wanted. Finally going somewhere in my life. I saw my Derby friends yesterday and went to Derby for a meeting for my society and that cheered me up. I’m trying not to be sad but I don’t feel as sad as I did before when everything went (sorry) to shit. I’ve learnt my self worth and that I need to be happy. I’m going away to Dorset for 3 weeks which is very well needed. I’m tempted to turn off every kind of communication with anyone and live my life. Sometimes I hate mobile phones and social media. Makes life hell to be honest. I’m going to see The Addams Family Musical and Olly Murs so I’m very excited.
I’ve decided to sort out what I hate about myself and hate about my life. People,weight,looks,hair,clothes. I’m counting down the days until I can finally move back to Derby. It’s where I feel safe,happy and never alone. Only just over a month left until I can move into my nice,new and very pretty house with my new house mates. That’ll do me some good. Fresh starts and that. Sorry about me being sad.
I was having a good think the other day after me and my best friend talk about our future all the time. I was having a think and I think I now know what I want for in 5 years time. I thought I’d write a blog post about it so I could come back in 5 years and see if my goals happened and write about what has happened.
- I would love to graduate from university. At the moment I feel like its not going to happen. I don’t feel good enough for university but let’s see if it’ll actually happen. I hope so. I choose my dress.
- I wouldn’t mind having a flat with my friends in 5 years time. I’m thinking of moving into a bigger city like Manchester so I have a better job opportunities especially in the job that I want. I know that straight after university I’d like to move in with a few friends.
- I want to be driving. I better be driving. I want that independence. It annoys me now cause all I want is to pick up my friends and go somewhere for the day and make memories. I wanted to start at 17 but it just never happened.
- I want to be in a relationship. That would be nice. I’ll be 26 I better be in a relationship god damn it. Wouldn’t mind being engaged but that’s wishful thinking.
- I want to loose my weight. I don’t mind the size I am now but I wouldn’t mind a thinner face and a flatter belly. I like being curvy but I feel like I don’t look healthy.
- I want to be a full time job in marketing and social media. That’s the main goal right now is breaking into the industry and finding my feet.
- Not a big goal but I want to get more tattoos. I want my leg covered. I want to be a human canvas.
Let’s come back in 5 years and see whats happens!
June 19th I went on my first adult holiday. No family. My university put on a trip to Portugal to visit Fest. A week long film festival with workshops,screenings and talks. This was terrifying for me. I’ve never been on a plane or on a holiday.
On Monday we left the uni at 1:30 to a freezing cold coach. Oh my lord was it cold. I was ready for the holiday in my shorts and tank top like an actual idiot. I ended up swapping seats with my friend to get under his girlfriends blanket and fall asleep. I had no idea airports were so aggressive. A guy physically picked me up and moved me cause I was taking to long. I have bad anxiety so imagine someone who has never been to an airport who can’t get there suitcase to unlock to get out their liquids while having panic attack. Nightmare. Then my bag got searched and I lost all my friends. This was 5:30 in the morning. Not a good start. Then still with anxiety on high alert I get on the plane. Taking off wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. What I hated was turbulence and I fell asleep to wake up to that and my head telling me I’m gonna die. We got to Portugal to find it was cold. It started to rain. It was 30 degrees in England. I also thought it was 5pm and was ready to sleep. The hostel was not what we expected and we found out we had been given people to stay with and people got split up. We ended up trading friends and moving eachother in and out. We were so tired and cranky that we were angry at eachother and crying. I wanted to sleep but nope 40 min walk. I was crying cause all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t care for anything else. However, we found the beach and went for dinner. Later that night we found somewhere for tea,went on the beach and then our lecturers told us there was a party and instead we got a 2 hour screening that they walked out of and so did I. Way to tired.
During the week we went to the beach. The waves were huge and the lifeguard kept shouting ‘NO SWIM’ at us which was fine because I can’t swim and I already had been took down by a wave. I thought that was the end for me and I was gone. We got drunk very fast from very cheap cider. This ended up in my friend Brandon wanting to go into the sea like every night. I learnt that everything there has egg on it. Literally everything. Want a burger? egg.
I went to a workshop ran by Cecil Baldwin who created Nightvale. That was an interesting morning. I don’t do acting though so I left. Right out of my comfort zone. Later that afternoon he did a talk with Melissa Leo on prejudice in film. It was very interesting. A lot of angry opinions on gay rights. Went away feeling proud to be a women but angry at film makers.
The best day that we had was a day out in Porto. We walked the streets and took a lot of photos. It was so beautiful. There was even a McDonald’s which was the best part of being there to be honest. Got to try it out in a different country right? There was a festival on where you hit eachother with plastic hammers. We thought blow up inflatable hammers. Nope actual hard plastic hammers. Found the closest bar to us all. In 2 hours I was so fucking drunk. I had to stop drinking because the toilets were so hard away and a 45 min wait for you were a women cause they only had 1 toilet for a money and 3 for men. I became a very big feminist in that que. Katie and Brandon fell into the doc and were soaked. Some of us decided to go home cause we were exhausted and cause we don’t speak the language we got on the wrong train. Well it was correct but it changed. Thankfully our lecturers were on it and saved the day a little.
I don’t think holidays not in a tourist area are for me. I was so home sick and all I wanted to do was go home. So glad to be back in home comforts.
I am a very independent person. I think this is because I’ve always have had to be. Now in my 20s I find it very hard to do things with friends. They’re all in relationships,have jobs,moved away or have children. I’m finding peace in the situation finally. I’ve found things to do that keep me busy on days where I don’t see friends. I also find this very good for my mental health. I thought I’d give you examples if you’re very independent like me.
- I just recently discovered that going to the cinema alone isn’t scary or weird at all. I was in town and had nothing to do all day. I didn’t want to sit in my house all so text my best friend ‘would it be weird to go to the cinema alone?’ she said ‘why would it be?’ I really wanted to go see Baby Driver (which is amazing) so I did. No one spoke to me and I had so much room around me.
- Why not give yourself a pamper day? (I might write a separate blog post on this because I’m very extra about this) Go to a drug store and get yourself a face mask,new nail varnish,some chocolate and put on Netflix. If you have a bath go to lush and grab a bath bomb. Order yourself a pizza.
- Find a class to join. This is one of the plans I want when I go back to university in September. Find myself a new class and take up a hobby. Maybe its a photography class or painting. In this time you might find and make new friends too.
- Build yourself a fort. Grab the blankets and make a fort. In the fort put your laptop in,plug in some speakers,put up some fairy lights,a load of pillows,snacks and have yourself a movie day. Just cause your on your own doesn’t mean you can’t do this.
- DIY stuff. I find Pintrest good for this. Find something to make and do it yourself. It’ll keep your mind busy and you might learn something new.
- Shopping. I find shopping better when I’m alone. I can look at what I want,take my time and don’t have to wait for anyone else. In my case my friends have to try everything on and I’m to lazy for that. It’s just waiting around so I love shopping on my own.
- Bike rides. If you have a bike why not just cycle anywhere and find new places. Take your phone or a camera and do some photography. It’ll clear your mind.
Being in an environment where I would sometimes need to dress smart I’ve found it hard to dress in a smart casual way. However,with the help of pintrest and my love of boohoo.com I collected together 3 outfit ideas for meetings or situations where you need to dress smart.
There we go. 3 outfits ready for your smart casual days. All from boohoo.com and all look very comfy.
I’m 21 years old and I’ve just figured out what I want to do with my life. Past week I’ve been questioning everything. I’ve questioned me being a university,people in my life and things about myself. Today a job advert came up by the university and I read over and went ‘this is what I want to do in my life’
I’ve decided that I want to go into social media and marketing. I’ve worked events since 17 and enjoyed it so much. I’ve ran Facebook accounts and YouTube channels for other people and events and I thought why am I not going into this as a job? I love film I really do but I don’t see myself having a future in it. I can’t find a job in the industry that I am 100% set on and I don’t think there’s a job out there for me in film. I would love to be in marketing. I’m currently Derby SU Rock Society’s social secretary and everything that job in tales is what carer I want.
I’ve spent the day applying for two jobs from the university and redoing my CV for it to fit with marketing and events. I then googled the actual title of the job and found an internship in Manchester and applied. I found out that boohoo.com want creative content employees and got sad that I can’t apply for it at the moment. I’m thinking of moving to Manchester after university because all these jobs seem to be in the bigger cities and the only city that comes up is Manchester. Maybe I’ve found my happiness.
My next step is to cut out the people in my life that make me unhappy and sort out what bothers me about myself. Which is my weight. I’ve been doing walks and visiting my friends. I need to sort out my mental health. Been having panic attacks and down days lately but I’ve been taking myself to the cinema and stuff to keep myself busy. I love being independent.
Finally feeling happy. Scared it won’t last but happy for now. Need a shop for office clothes at this rate!
Need a first post? Why not talk about myself and you can get to know me. I found a tag online cause I find it hard to talk about myself. Can’t even write my Twitter bio.
1. What is your middle name? My middle name is Louise. Just like every females in the UK but I was actually named after my cousin.
2. What is your favourite colour? Pastel pink
3. Who was your first best friend? Her name is Demi. We’ve been friends for 21 years. We don’t talk as much as we used to but I love her to bits.
4. How tall are you? 5ft 5 I think
5. Cats or Dogs? BOTH
6.Funniest moment throughout School? Can’t think of any really. Probably me cause I was emo and it was tragic.
7. How many countries have you visited? 2. Been to Disneyland Paris and Portugal
8. Are you in/have you gone to university? I am in university and I study Film Production
9. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School? Art was the best and Maths was 100000% the worst
10. What is your Favorite drink? Love a good cup of tea
11. What is your favorite animal? Unicorns…
12. What is your favorite perfume? One Directions first perfume. No shame.
13. Tea or Coffee? Tea
14. What would you (or have you) name(d) your children? I don’t have children but I love the name Tabitha
15. What Sports do you play/Have you played? I used to do Roller Derby and it was so much fun
16. What is your favorite book? Doing It by Hannah Witton
17. Who are some of your favorite YouTubers? Helen Anderson,Dodie Clark,Jack and Dean
18. What is your favorite movie? Labyrinth
19. Are you Single or Taken? Single (ugh)
20. Whats your idea of an ideal first date? Something fun and drinks
21. How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had? 2
22. Favorite memory from childhood? Days out with my grandparents
23. Do you speak any different languages and how well? I took German and I don’t know much
24. Do you have any siblings? No
25. How would you describe your fashion sense? I’d say I dressed normal but I get told a lot that I have clothes some people haven’t seen before. I’m a little hipster.
26. What is your favorite restaurant? Don’t really have one
27. What are some of your favorite tv shows? Doctor Who,Sherlock,Once Upon A Time,Ru Paul’s Drag Race
28. PC or Mac? Mac cause I’m an editor but I have a PC (whyyyyyyyy)
29. What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?) iOS
30 Tell us one of your bad habits! I talk to much.