I’m back and feeling a lot better. I have days where I don’t. Today I am going and sorting out my depression so I will be a lot happier and less down soon. Amazing right! I did the adult thing!
So recently this week I moved back to university in Derby and moved into my new house. It’s beautiful to be honest. Nicest house I’ve ever lived in. Defiantly better than my house last year with the pet mice we never asked for and the drug dealing on my garden. I’m so happy with my bedroom it looks so cute and it’s like my tiny safe space. I am in love with it. The house has heating too unlike last year when I had to sleep with a hot water bottle and lots of fluffy clothes on. Never again. Met my first new house mate who is lovely. I love new people.
I also had an interview and trial shift for LUSH. I loved it. Talking to people and doing the demos. One girl I did 3 demos on and she brought everything I showed her. She became my new best friend. I went home smelling beautiful. They even gave me small gift box to say thank you for coming down. She stopped my half way through my shift to tell me how to improve and it was super helpful. So hopefully this week i’ll get a phone call to say yes or no. Hope its a yes!
I’ll be trying to make blogs and get my brain moving more cause summer has been a nightmare. I learnt why I never talk to anyone from high school. Back on track and back on with my life. I can’t wait for September when everyone moves back. I’ve missed all my friends. I haven’t seen them in ages and some for really long time. Everything feels positive at the moment. I hope it stays this way.
I’m not going to lie. I feel like I’m the lowest in my moods than I have been in a while. One reason why. Men. Relationships. They suck. They make you feel awful. Brought my mood down loads and thats why I’ve had not motivation and I just feel so sad to do anything.
However,on a lighter note! I finally got into my third year of university of thinking I wasn’t going to pass. I could of cried but I didn’t cause I realised I should start my dissertation right now and I started to panic. I also got the job I really wanted. Finally going somewhere in my life. I saw my Derby friends yesterday and went to Derby for a meeting for my society and that cheered me up. I’m trying not to be sad but I don’t feel as sad as I did before when everything went (sorry) to shit. I’ve learnt my self worth and that I need to be happy. I’m going away to Dorset for 3 weeks which is very well needed. I’m tempted to turn off every kind of communication with anyone and live my life. Sometimes I hate mobile phones and social media. Makes life hell to be honest. I’m going to see The Addams Family Musical and Olly Murs so I’m very excited.
I’ve decided to sort out what I hate about myself and hate about my life. People,weight,looks,hair,clothes. I’m counting down the days until I can finally move back to Derby. It’s where I feel safe,happy and never alone. Only just over a month left until I can move into my nice,new and very pretty house with my new house mates. That’ll do me some good. Fresh starts and that. Sorry about me being sad.
I am a very independent person. I think this is because I’ve always have had to be. Now in my 20s I find it very hard to do things with friends. They’re all in relationships,have jobs,moved away or have children. I’m finding peace in the situation finally. I’ve found things to do that keep me busy on days where I don’t see friends. I also find this very good for my mental health. I thought I’d give you examples if you’re very independent like me.
- I just recently discovered that going to the cinema alone isn’t scary or weird at all. I was in town and had nothing to do all day. I didn’t want to sit in my house all so text my best friend ‘would it be weird to go to the cinema alone?’ she said ‘why would it be?’ I really wanted to go see Baby Driver (which is amazing) so I did. No one spoke to me and I had so much room around me.
- Why not give yourself a pamper day? (I might write a separate blog post on this because I’m very extra about this) Go to a drug store and get yourself a face mask,new nail varnish,some chocolate and put on Netflix. If you have a bath go to lush and grab a bath bomb. Order yourself a pizza.
- Find a class to join. This is one of the plans I want when I go back to university in September. Find myself a new class and take up a hobby. Maybe its a photography class or painting. In this time you might find and make new friends too.
- Build yourself a fort. Grab the blankets and make a fort. In the fort put your laptop in,plug in some speakers,put up some fairy lights,a load of pillows,snacks and have yourself a movie day. Just cause your on your own doesn’t mean you can’t do this.
- DIY stuff. I find Pintrest good for this. Find something to make and do it yourself. It’ll keep your mind busy and you might learn something new.
- Shopping. I find shopping better when I’m alone. I can look at what I want,take my time and don’t have to wait for anyone else. In my case my friends have to try everything on and I’m to lazy for that. It’s just waiting around so I love shopping on my own.
- Bike rides. If you have a bike why not just cycle anywhere and find new places. Take your phone or a camera and do some photography. It’ll clear your mind.
I’m 21 years old and I’ve just figured out what I want to do with my life. Past week I’ve been questioning everything. I’ve questioned me being a university,people in my life and things about myself. Today a job advert came up by the university and I read over and went ‘this is what I want to do in my life’
I’ve decided that I want to go into social media and marketing. I’ve worked events since 17 and enjoyed it so much. I’ve ran Facebook accounts and YouTube channels for other people and events and I thought why am I not going into this as a job? I love film I really do but I don’t see myself having a future in it. I can’t find a job in the industry that I am 100% set on and I don’t think there’s a job out there for me in film. I would love to be in marketing. I’m currently Derby SU Rock Society’s social secretary and everything that job in tales is what carer I want.
I’ve spent the day applying for two jobs from the university and redoing my CV for it to fit with marketing and events. I then googled the actual title of the job and found an internship in Manchester and applied. I found out that boohoo.com want creative content employees and got sad that I can’t apply for it at the moment. I’m thinking of moving to Manchester after university because all these jobs seem to be in the bigger cities and the only city that comes up is Manchester. Maybe I’ve found my happiness.
My next step is to cut out the people in my life that make me unhappy and sort out what bothers me about myself. Which is my weight. I’ve been doing walks and visiting my friends. I need to sort out my mental health. Been having panic attacks and down days lately but I’ve been taking myself to the cinema and stuff to keep myself busy. I love being independent.
Finally feeling happy. Scared it won’t last but happy for now. Need a shop for office clothes at this rate!