I’m not going to lie. I feel like I’m the lowest in my moods than I have been in a while. One reason why. Men. Relationships. They suck. They make you feel awful. Brought my mood down loads and thats why I’ve had not motivation and I just feel so sad to do anything.

However,on a lighter note! I finally got into my third year of university of thinking I wasn’t going to pass. I could of cried but I didn’t cause I realised I should start my dissertation right now and I started to panic. I also got the job I really wanted. Finally going somewhere in my life. I saw my Derby friends yesterday and went to Derby for a meeting for my society and that cheered me up. I’m trying not to be sad but I don’t feel as sad as I did before when everything went (sorry) to shit. I’ve learnt my self worth and that I need to be happy. I’m going away to Dorset for 3 weeks which is very well needed. I’m tempted to turn off every kind of communication with anyone and live my life. Sometimes I hate mobile phones and social media. Makes life hell to be honest. I’m going to see The Addams Family Musical and Olly Murs so I’m very excited.

I’ve decided to sort out what I hate about myself and hate about my life. People,weight,looks,hair,clothes. I’m counting down the days until I can finally move back to Derby. It’s where I feel safe,happy and never alone. Only just over a month left until I can move into my nice,new and very pretty house with my new house mates. That’ll do me some good. Fresh starts and that. Sorry about me being sad.


University Trip To Portugal

Travel & Lifestyle

June 19th I went on my first adult holiday. No family. My university put on a trip to Portugal to visit Fest. A week long film festival with workshops,screenings and talks. This was terrifying for me. I’ve never been on a plane or on a holiday.

On Monday we left the uni at 1:30 to a freezing cold coach. Oh my lord was it cold. I was ready for the holiday in my shorts and tank top like an actual idiot. I ended up swapping seats with my friend to get under his girlfriends blanket and fall asleep. I had no idea airports were so aggressive. A guy physically picked me up and moved me cause I was taking to long. I have bad anxiety so imagine someone who has never been to an airport who can’t get there suitcase to unlock to get out their liquids while having panic attack. Nightmare. Then my bag got searched and I lost all my friends. This was 5:30 in the morning. Not a good start. Then still with anxiety on high alert I get on the plane. Taking off wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. What I hated was turbulence and I fell asleep to wake up to that and my head telling me I’m gonna die. We got to Portugal to find it was cold. It started to rain. It was 30 degrees in England. I also thought it was 5pm and was ready to sleep. The hostel was not what we expected and we found out we had been given people to stay with and people got split up. We ended up trading friends and moving eachother in and out. We were so tired and cranky that we were angry at eachother and crying. I wanted to sleep but nope 40 min walk. I was crying cause all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t care for anything else. However, we found the beach and went for dinner. Later that night we found somewhere for tea,went on the beach and then our lecturers told us there was a party and instead we got a 2 hour screening that they walked out of and so did I. Way to tired.

During the week we went to the beach. The waves were huge and the lifeguard kept shouting ‘NO SWIM’ at us which was fine because I can’t swim and I already had been took down by a wave. I thought that was the end for me and I was gone. We got drunk very fast from very cheap cider. This ended up in my friend Brandon wanting to go into the sea like every night. I learnt that everything there has egg on it. Literally everything. Want a burger? egg.

I went to a workshop ran by Cecil Baldwin who created Nightvale. That was an interesting morning. I don’t do acting though so I left. Right out of my comfort zone. Later that afternoon he did a talk with Melissa Leo on prejudiceĀ in film. It was very interesting. A lot of angry opinions on gay rights. Went away feeling proud to be a women but angry at film makers.

The best day that we had was a day out in Porto. We walked the streets and took a lot of photos. It was so beautiful. There was even a McDonald’s which was the best part of being there to be honest. Got to try it out in a different country right? There was a festival on where you hit eachother with plastic hammers. We thought blow up inflatable hammers. Nope actual hard plastic hammers. Found the closest bar to us all. In 2 hours I was so fucking drunk. I had to stop drinking because the toilets were so hard away and a 45 min wait for you were a women cause they only had 1 toilet for a money and 3 for men. I became a very big feminist in that que. Katie and Brandon fell into the doc and were soaked. Some of us decided to go home cause we were exhausted and cause we don’t speak the language we got on the wrong train. Well it was correct but it changed. Thankfully our lecturers were on it and saved the day a little.

I don’t think holidays not in a tourist area are for me. I was so home sick and all I wanted to do was go home. So glad to be back in home comforts.